Summary of Previously : Jean-Claude, vampire prostitute by profession, is playing the last assignment from his boss, who wants to right a new castle, in the familiar maxim " What do I have of you, I work m'arapa. Asher, the former Jean-Claude who hates loves hates love but right now mostly hate, accompanies him in the role of bodyguard: as usual, but does support the Ardeur Jean-Claude, his cheerful demon, he calls it. A loud.
Soundtrack: Wake me up before you go-go by Wham
Could the wet dream of any man turn so quickly into a nightmare? It seemed so, thought Jean-Claude, on his knees chickpea and Asher rebuked him harshly. In fact, continued to reflect the vampire, she could still be a wet dream. Just put a whip in the hands of Asher and the game was done, even a stick was not bad, but unfortunately he did not seem mood right ... the problem was, it would never have been?
"And now what the hell are you thinking with that stupid smile on your face? Here! I do not even pay attention, you've exposed me to public ridicule and forced to participate in your toys, "
" Forced? "
Asher had the decency to blush, which made him even more angry. "Yes, forced! You and your stronzissimo ardeur. You think you're a vampire big man and you're not even able to properly stun a human idiot who hunts zombies! "
" But you know that the eyes are not my forte! "Piped the other hitting the eyes maybe were not his forte but were the most beautiful eyes.
"It 'you do not exercise enough," cried Asher letting go of a slap. "Learn more, late! That bitch I was mistaken for a zombie! MI has mistaken for a zombie! I, the coolest among the figs mistaken for any horror movie monster series of zeta ... "
Even with the history of the monster, echepalle thought Jean-Claude, he would have never realized how sexy were those scars? "But you could be a cult and be part of an exhibition at the Cannes Film Festival!"
Asher began to hysteria, which he found it particularly well. "If you had not used the ardeur I do not I would not even touch a finger!
"That must be why I used it?"
"Behold, I knew it! Because in reality you without ardeur not want me, because I'm a monster! Buaaaaaaaaaaa "
" You're a monster, you're my darling ficofico blond. "Jean-Claude put out his hand in an attempt to touch the blond hair of the other." Incidentally, we fichifichi? "
Asher walked away, avoiding the friend who touched him. "Even if you are not a monster"
"Finally you understand!" Said Jean-Claude.
"Let me finish."
"I knew there was the trick ... "
" Even if you are not a monster for all the others are. "Asher sniffed and crossed his arms to his chest. "I do not want to play the part of the poor vampire. That was your role. "
" sooo? "
" Shit! You were such a crude! But do you remember what it was before you pick up Belle in that dirty hole villagers vampires? Did not even know how to get a goat. "
" Now you're insulting me! "Said Jean-Claude getting up from the floor rage. No one had to doubt his ability with the goats even though he preferred women.
Mr. Darcy, still sweaty and disheveled from gymnastic evolutions so rudely interrupted, is tentatively inserted into the conversation. "Excuse me?"
"And what the hell you want now?" The spat against Asher who had completely forgotten the presence of both spouses.
The noble man scratched his head, confused. "And I do not remember that ... ... well ... what was I doing?"
"And I do not I was going to cut your head?" His wife added, again with the katana drawn.
"Yeah, right ..." He muttered, turning to Jean-Claude Asher. "Watch and learn mongolino! That's it! "The vampire snapped his fingers and two limp immediately on the human bed without making a sound. Asher's rolled up his blankets and put his sword under his pillow Elisabeth. "Tomorrow I will have forgotten this unfortunate incident and remember just being with you."
"And now we're alone ..." whispered Jean-Claude in a hopeful tone.
Asher's eyes immediately froze the hopes of his friend, made her into cubes and served in a Negroni on the rocks. "I do not look, do not touch me, not saying a word. For you I do not exist anymore. "
" But-"
" Shut up! "Whispered Asher with a sweeping gesture to Obi Wan Kenobi. "You've never seen."
Jean-Claude rammed astonished eyes and Asher was gone when he opened them.
The vampire, in a trance, put her hands before her face emitting strange ways vaguely related to squeaks. "He means that we can do with your eyes ..." speech was
Asher and Jean-Claude saw him no more for the whole weekend. He reappeared only on Sunday evening to be his escort, as promised, greeted Mr. and Mrs. Darcy with courtesy and gladly accepted the gift that the couple gave to both.
They had been so pleased with the work of Jean-Claude that in addition to keeping the promise we added 15% service charge: two beautiful thoroughbred stallions. To Jean-Claude had tattooed on his girth "Only for our stallions favorite stallion. With love Darcy and Elizabeth Fitzpatrick. "
The vampire could be happy with himself and yet was not.
hoped for a romantic weekend and found himself with an ex even more than before incarognito: Asher had not only turned a cold stare from when they left the poor and Jean began to feel withdrawal symptoms. They say a beautiful Belle and Jack was just a matter of time, he was a vampire and could be expected that sooner or later they would come back together and lived happily forever. I really thought that was an idiot? Jean-Claude shook his head and prefer not to answer before he realized what had happened to the stallion rammed Asher.
"Oops! Sorry, but if brakes suddenly to force you butt-fuck. Just the accident report? "
" Shut up. "Asher whispered, looking around to make circumspect. The other
snorted bored. "Yes, I know, I do not speak, I must not breathe, you do not exist, blablabla ..."
"No, shut up!" He repeated Asher sniffing the air. "I do not feel that smell? There is something wrong. "Jean-Claude arched an eyebrow skeptically. He had to add paranoia to the long list of psychopathology deviant in its Asher was suffering? Even if, in fact, felt a smell familiar to him. Could it be? There was a smell of rotten in northern France?
"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" The cry of savage Asher, launch yourself like a thunderbolt in the dark of night, abruptly pulled it out in his reflections.
"Mon Dieu! You may not warn in time when you going to do the true vampire? "He said, struggling to regain control of the runaway horse. "If you died I would match the coronary arteries," Then he allowed himself the luxury to enjoy the spectacle of Asher who fought hand to hand with some fucking werewolf. "Way to go chardonnoret mon!" Shouted pulling out the pom pom cheerleader and flounder. "Give me an A, gimme an S, give me an H, give me a And, give me a R! Sexy Asheeeeer "
Meanwhile Asher was rolling on the ground with the werewolf, the jaws closed on his neck, for a moment undecided whether to suck it to death or stop beating Jean-Claude with an iron bar. He decided he was bored with the routine and then opted for bleeding the enemy.
"Jean-Claude" shouted another vampire coming out of a bush with two other werewolves. "Jean-Claude!"
Jean-Claude blinked as if he had trouble focusing and then yawned. "Andros is you, but we should not see each other anymore? What a breath! Here's what it was that smell ... and I thought we were still along the latrines ... "
The other frowned and crossed his arms to his chest. "Can you introduce me more worthy? Your readers will know who the fuck is Andros? "
" Ok "Jean agreed." For once sensible objection. For the record, Andros is a race of vampire reeking of Morte d'Amour who took advantage of me for a hundred years along with everyone else. Andros Hello, what brings you? You have come to avenge the honor of Yvette, the vampire race of stinking Morte d'Amour who took advantage of me for a hundred years along with everyone else? The vampire
wrinkled her nose. "Yvette has already been made."
"Excusez moi, I did not take off your stage ..."
"You are forgiven. No, I'm here to Yvette, sent me-"
" Picone? "Suggested Jean-Claude.
"No, the Master of Beasts"
"That idiot does, however, that rhymes with Picone." Asher added, emerging victorious from the fight and spat a mouthful of blood as a sign of contempt.
Andros's bestowed the same courtesy. "We Asher are you? But do not you said you hate your ex? "
" Only when they are not serving you idiot! "
The vampire began to laugh, mouth open and hands on hips, in the classical interpretation of megacattivo that has to die in less than ten minutes. "What do I care if there are you? You can only kill the werewolf novices. You are only two stupid bitch and you cut him off in the blink of an eye Mhumhuamhuamhuamhuamhuamhuamhua "He paused a moment to check the effect achieved and then continued. "We'll again Jean-Claude! I may be back and this time forever! Mhuamhuamhuamhua! Mhuamhuamhuamhua! Mhuamhuamhuamhua! Mhuamhuamhuamhua! Mhuamhuamhu-
"Sorry to interrupt you but the chapter must end within ten minutes I wet my sex scene." Said Jean-Claude falling from his horse and facing the enemy. "Would you like me all to yourself Andros but could not. I am no longer the Jean-Claude knew that a loooong time now is powerful. "
" Can I suppress the display of power and fight with these wer fucking standards? "Asher said, raising a finger.
Andros chuckled and left the field open with a theatrical gesture of the hand. "Yes, yes, well accommodated. I'm really curious to see Jean-Claude in all its power ... "Asher shook his head, had a ponytail, pulled up their sleeves and jumped into the fray.
"You have the superforce" asked Andros with an air of superiority.
Jean-Claude came up a few steps, his hair waving in the wind. "No, vampiric strength standard."
"You're a great flyer?"
Jean-Claude came up again and shrugged, eyes of blue fire. "Um ... let's say hop ..."
"So we do know with your eyes!" Chuckled the other.
"Arghhhhhhhhhh! Nooooooooooooo "cried Asher as a werewolf's sinking a knife into the side before she died. "I would say nooooooooooooooo"
"What the fuck you do then?" Jean-Claude
now almost touch him. Like a bad movie in slow motion, with special effects Grandma's Abelard SpA, grew the hair on his chest like moss on the trees, the silk shirt, stretched by hypertrophic anabolizzati muscles, he broke the air around it hot and heavy. The ardeur blazed with the power of more than a thousand suns, Andros shook. "Aò.Te sgargatubi the memories that I did?" The Jean-Claude breathed on his lips.
"Oh yes," said the other nodding obsessively. A trickle of drool running down his chin already, Andros sucked him as a Chinese noodle as if he had muscles that humans did not have. "How could I forget them? Every time I thought I would die! "
" Li mortacci your ... "replied the other laying a hand on his private niches. "Penza nun who know me 'never even' OMMITMENT!" At these words, a burst of power hits the vampire as an avalanche. "OMIODIO! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE "Andros fell to the floor stone dead, creating a cloud of ash that would have marred the airports all over Europe for centuries to come. Jean-Claude shook the dust from their lapels cursing because she chose the velvet smooth and not ribbed and turned to check what had happened to his companion. Asher was moving forward, staggering toward him, covered in blood, his clothes torn and disheveled. God it was sexy.
"What happened in Andros?"
"It 's dead. The ardeur did dry. And yours? "
" Even my. The problem is ... "Asher swayed back and forth like a reed whipped by the wind.
"Phew! Do not try again the old story dell'ardeur and the game of silence, right? "
The vampire leaned against a tree, stand up as if it cost him too much effort. "Actually, I could be silent forever, I feel that the forces are leaving ..."
"It's there that this is a parody, in the original there was death lurking at every page, but here ... here is not credible! "replied Jean-Claude supporting him by the arm and seeing the large gash that ran through the side of his friend.
"Sure?" The he said.
Jean-Claude's eyes widened as under the influence of hashish in a pipe and began to fret the fingernails of his free hand. "Shit, no! Asher did not die! Do not die please! You can not die before my sex scene wet! "
" Sex wet? "
" Are you numb or what? It's raining cats and dogs and my hair is a disaster. You had not noticed? "
" No. "he whispered. "I'm busy dying."
"Asheeeeeeeeeeeeeer" Au revoir
Parody of No rest for the wicked of Morgana71, written with Ricciolineri . There is profit. The names of some characters belong to Laurell Hamilton. These environments belong to various Whitewolf. The original characters belong to Morgana.
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